I watched the notebook and i wrote after...it made me think and this is what i thought....

Love is the sweetest thing…it’s pure, and honest, and never ending. When you fall in love with someone your love never goes away that is just how love works. This is what I think love is or at last 1/10 of what love is…

Love should be an honest to god love, the one you always run back to, the one you think about everyday, the one you know you are meant to be with. The one that will tell you when you are being a idiot but out of the goodness of their heart, the one that no matter what happens…even if you don’t know they exist will stay by your side. That is true love and if you ever find that in someone it’s the most wonderful thing you can ever experience. Who’s the one that you go to when your upset or mad, who’s the one that you can go to when you just want someone to talk to, who’s the one you go to when you just want to laugh. Who do you see when close your eyes…who really has your heart…who really has you. Love isn’t something that just comes to you though…true love is something you work for something you will fight for no matter what odds are against you. Love is something you live for and something that doesn’t just have a certain time period its something that lasts till the end of time.

That’s how I feel about love…

I thought I should update and what better subject to talk about then love

×.·´`·.×UnLeSs YoU CaN SeE iNsiDe mY [ HeArT ]
tHeN tHeReS[ nO WaY ]YoU cOuLd pOsSibLy UnDeRsTanD HoW _ . he . _ MaKeS Me[ FeeL ]×.·´`·.×

Class has started and it’s ok… learning some interesting things…the people there are cool for the most part and that’s all I got to say about that for now.

This isn’t gonna be to be the normal blog that I normally write this is I guess more personal… I think the main reason why I am writing this on here is cuz the person im writing about doesn’t look at my xanga and sometimes its hard to just sit down and tell someone how you feel. Sometimes you just have to do it privately and I guess this is as private for me as I want it. You all can probably guess who this is about…whats that you say? Nick? Yes, yes it is about Nick so enough and with nothingness let me get started…

                Nick is my boyfriend/ best friend/ person who makes me mad lol. We have been together for over a year and just about 5 months… on and off these last 5 months. Before the last 5 months we had our problems but we never broke up… we always stuck through it. Then one day I broke up with him and ever since then that barrier of me being scared to break up with him has been broken. Not a bad thing but not a good thing either because I have taken advantage of it more than once. I know Nick loves me and he knows I love him…sometimes it is hard for both of us to see that but I believe deep down inside we both know it. Now this love between us is no normal love… well there isn’t no normal love I guess you can say in general. But ours is something special… we are 2 different people but inside somewhere (now-a-days it’s harder to see) we are alike in many ways. He is the gangster type and I am the good girl type who would of thought? Not me never did I think I would be with someone like nick but I have no regrets. He can make me smile no matter what mood I am in and even though we fight all the time I can never stay mad at him which I doubt that he minds. But lately it is getting harder for me to stay happy with or without him. I haven’t figured out yet what is causing my feelings and I don’t like being like this. I have never been like this before and I just wanna be back to normal if I was ever normal. Maybe there is something wrong with me maybe I’m not ready for a relationship for this relationship I do not know. But it’s not like I can just walk out the door and say bye it was fun while it lasted and never speak again. I can’t and I wont do that… Nick has been a very big part of me and I am not willing to lose that. I do believe that he is my one but then again there are times when I think that it’s not right and I have to escape. I am so confused on what to do what is right for me and for him. Do I deserve to be in something like this? Does he deserve to be in something like this? This is more than just the occasional fights its like an everyday thing. We both shouldn’t have to go through the things we go through. Me always leaving him and him with the things he does that makes me feel so bad where i feel I have to leave him.  It’s not fair and I don’t want him to go through it. Then again I cant be without him…he is my life and all I got. Do I believe he loves me?…yes. Do I think that sometimes its not always there?...yes. Maybe I just want too much from him who knows… I just don’t seem to be happy. I have jealously problems I will admit. But Nick just to me seems like the type that would cheat and it was one of those first impressions and first impressions always stick with you. So I am scared of being hurt and now that me and him are so close that makes It a lot worse. But I love this guy… I love him like no other. He’s always on my mind and when I look at him I dunno I get this feeling. I love just staring at him and thinking this is who I love and who I will be with. I don’t know if he knows that I love him, I think sometimes he doesn’t believe me but I do. Even if I break up with him and all that bad stuff I will never LEAVE him…its just not in my plans and its not possible for me to do. I am in love and he has my heart and im never getting it back. When he is with me in my arms or im in his it’s the best feeling ever. There’s nothing in the world I rather have than his love. He is my heart, my soul, my life, my breathe, my everything and without him there wouldn’t be a me. There is no one else out there for me I love this guy and I want to be with him. We are not together but I pray that one day we will be and we will work and be happy. That’s all I really want is to be happy with him. I just feel like I want it more than him. Like he’ll want it if we aren’t together but if we are then its like well I got her no point in making it work. I just don’t know and I wish I did know… I wish god would send me something a sign or what not telling me what’s right and what I should do. All I know is that I’m in love with Nick.

   Y0U CAN'T HELP BUT CHANGE A LiTTLE BiT, BUT
0N THE iNSiDE i'M STiLL C0MPETELY THE SAME PERSON.

Love is a funny thing. It's an intensely personal yet
universal thing. It has a thousand definitions, & not one
of them gets it exactly right. It's a feeling. It's an experience
It's inside of us & yet exclusive. We desire it yet fear it. It's
the central experience of our lives, & yet it remains a
mystery..

in the mall of life, friends are the stores.
                                  you go to diFfeReNt ones, for diFfeReNt things. 

Take your time, there's no hurry, because the one who loves you will wait

I sit here every night wondering if you’re thinking about me

Y  E S T E R D A Y: Well the concert was fun… first was tyler Hilton, howie day, and gavin degraw…the people I didn’t know lol then finally the people me and nick wanted to see came on. First up was Natalie she was good and then BABY BASH! Lol that was fun seeing him then like from our seats we could see Frankie J dancing by his room while baby bash was performing it was funny. Then Frankie J came on and I think he was one of my favorites. But what was funny though was like it was basically all white girls either preppie white girls from the 3 guys I said in the beginning or rocker girls for good charlotte lol. They were after Frankie J… they did good I like some of their music. The last performance was the Black Eyed Peas…I liked them too. They really like made the crowd get into it. We left early though so we could get something to eat and then beat the traffic. So that was my concert. T O D A Y: Well today I didn’t really do a whole lot in the beginning…I just was lazy and chilled till I went over to nick’s house. We had our fun then fell asleep lol. So now im home waiting for someone to suggest dinner to me cuz all I had today was some damn toast. Later im making brownies and im watchin a show on channel 38 at 8 which everyone has to watch cuz it’s gonna be very interesting. Tomorrow I got class from 9-3 for the internship thing. Man today was like really the last day of summer for me! But that’s ok cuz eventually ill be rolling in the MONEY!. 

I o love you Nick…Thank you for takin me to the concert